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Breathe In, Breathe Out
So we know what trauma is from this post, and what the symptoms of PTSD can be from this post. But how do we manage them? With my two most commonly used words: Coping Skills. Coping skills can be used for grounding, calming and even simply distracting. Everyone will respond a little differently to different skills, so you have to play around with them and find what works best for you. For the sake of this post, I will list some of my more commonly suggested skills for you to try and why they work. If you want more options, contact me and I can give you more ideas.
1.) Deep/Belly Breathing.
This is probably the most basic, yet most helpful tools you can have in your tool box. This kind of breathing is very intentional.
How to do it: Best practice is to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Now, most of us, when we breathe normally, can see or feel our chest rising and falling. When you intentionally deep breathe, concentrate on breathing with your diaphragm instead of your chest. In the beginning, it might help to lay down on your back and rest one hand on your belly so you can feel it rise and fall. Image there is a balloon in your stomach and as you breathe in, you fill it up as much as you can and as you breathe out, you slowly let the air out and use your stomach muscles to push out every last ounce of air. Make sure you practice pacing yourself; try counting to 4 on the in breath, hold for 4 and breathe out for 6 counts. You can play with the length of time, but be sure you aren't breathing too fast, that will have the opposite effect of calming. This kind of breathing might take some practice but keep at it and you'll get the hang of it!
How it helps: There is a nerve right behind your stomach called the Vagus Nerve. This nerve is considered the link between the mind-body connection. By naturally stimulating it with diaphragmatic breaths, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system (the one that calms your body). It will slow your mind, your heart rate and blood pressure. As someone is experiencing anxiety, every part of the body can be agitated and needs to be reminded to slow down a little. Belly breathing may not make the feelings or anxiety go away entirely, but it helps to take the edge off enough to make it manageable.
2.) Grounding/Mindfulness
There are a plethora of ways to practice mindfulness, so I'm going to stick to two of my favorites. If you are new to the practice of mindfulness, I'll give you a quick run down. Mindfulness is the practice of staying fully aware in the present moment without judgment. This includes awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and environment. If you are interested in learning more in depth, you can check out this website. There are also plenty of mindfulness/meditation apps that you can download to your phone. I haven't found one that I have loved, so I won't make a specific recommendation. Find what works for you and get going on it!
The first exercise I teach my clients is a full body scan.
How to do it: Begin by getting to a quiet place where you can get comfortable, whether it's laying down, or sitting comfortably in a chair. Just take a minute to relax and get used to the environment. Take a few deep belly breaths to begin with and try to focus on just your breathing. Once you get back to your normal breathing, just stay there for a moment and be very conscious of your breath going in and out. Notice the sounds in the room, any smells or other sensations. When you're ready, begin by bringing your attention to your toes and feet; notice any pressure or pain, notice where they rest on the floor. Maybe take a moment to tense the muscles in your feet and release. When you're ready, go ahead and move up to your ankles...then calves and shins...then knees....then thighs...etc etc.
You can make this body scan as simple or complex as you want and as time permits. If you have a lot of time and need it to take longer, you can work through smaller groups of muscles at a time. If you are in a hurry, you can make the groups as large as you like. Make it work for YOU individually. If you have a hard time leading yourself through this, you can always turn to youtube for a helpful video.
The second exercise is a little more conducive to a work or school environment when you need a quick skill to calm down and you can't be alone. I call it 5,4,3,2,1.
How to do it: Wherever you happen to be in the moment that you need some calming, look around you and find:
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can touch
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste.
This can be repeated as many times as you need to bring your anxiety down.
How these help: Both exercises are specifically designed to bring your attention back to the present moment, where you are safe. Bringing awareness to your body and/or your environment will help bring that heart rate down and settle your mind. Part of what it does is distract you from whatever past or future scenario you have in your head that's causing the anxiety. Any time you can bring your consciousness back to the present moment, you will find some calm and peace. Anxiety is always rooted in a past event or a future worry.
But here is the key to all mindfulness practice! It has to be done non-judgmentally. This means that when a thought or worry comes to your mind, you acknowledge it, DO NOT make a decision on if it's good or bad, and let it move on, as if it were a cloud in the sky, or a leaf floating down a stream. Let it go. In this moment of mindful practice, it does not matter. Your goal is to find the peace that is stored inside you. It's there, believe me. It may feel far away, but it's there. With some practice and effort, you'll find it inside you and you'll find some relief from the pain, confusion, shame, chaos or fear you may be feeling.
Let's get practicing!!
1.) Deep/Belly Breathing.
This is probably the most basic, yet most helpful tools you can have in your tool box. This kind of breathing is very intentional.
How to do it: Best practice is to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Now, most of us, when we breathe normally, can see or feel our chest rising and falling. When you intentionally deep breathe, concentrate on breathing with your diaphragm instead of your chest. In the beginning, it might help to lay down on your back and rest one hand on your belly so you can feel it rise and fall. Image there is a balloon in your stomach and as you breathe in, you fill it up as much as you can and as you breathe out, you slowly let the air out and use your stomach muscles to push out every last ounce of air. Make sure you practice pacing yourself; try counting to 4 on the in breath, hold for 4 and breathe out for 6 counts. You can play with the length of time, but be sure you aren't breathing too fast, that will have the opposite effect of calming. This kind of breathing might take some practice but keep at it and you'll get the hang of it!
How it helps: There is a nerve right behind your stomach called the Vagus Nerve. This nerve is considered the link between the mind-body connection. By naturally stimulating it with diaphragmatic breaths, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system (the one that calms your body). It will slow your mind, your heart rate and blood pressure. As someone is experiencing anxiety, every part of the body can be agitated and needs to be reminded to slow down a little. Belly breathing may not make the feelings or anxiety go away entirely, but it helps to take the edge off enough to make it manageable.
2.) Grounding/Mindfulness
There are a plethora of ways to practice mindfulness, so I'm going to stick to two of my favorites. If you are new to the practice of mindfulness, I'll give you a quick run down. Mindfulness is the practice of staying fully aware in the present moment without judgment. This includes awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and environment. If you are interested in learning more in depth, you can check out this website. There are also plenty of mindfulness/meditation apps that you can download to your phone. I haven't found one that I have loved, so I won't make a specific recommendation. Find what works for you and get going on it!
The first exercise I teach my clients is a full body scan.
How to do it: Begin by getting to a quiet place where you can get comfortable, whether it's laying down, or sitting comfortably in a chair. Just take a minute to relax and get used to the environment. Take a few deep belly breaths to begin with and try to focus on just your breathing. Once you get back to your normal breathing, just stay there for a moment and be very conscious of your breath going in and out. Notice the sounds in the room, any smells or other sensations. When you're ready, begin by bringing your attention to your toes and feet; notice any pressure or pain, notice where they rest on the floor. Maybe take a moment to tense the muscles in your feet and release. When you're ready, go ahead and move up to your ankles...then calves and shins...then knees....then thighs...etc etc.
You can make this body scan as simple or complex as you want and as time permits. If you have a lot of time and need it to take longer, you can work through smaller groups of muscles at a time. If you are in a hurry, you can make the groups as large as you like. Make it work for YOU individually. If you have a hard time leading yourself through this, you can always turn to youtube for a helpful video.
The second exercise is a little more conducive to a work or school environment when you need a quick skill to calm down and you can't be alone. I call it 5,4,3,2,1.
How to do it: Wherever you happen to be in the moment that you need some calming, look around you and find:
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can touch
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste.
This can be repeated as many times as you need to bring your anxiety down.
How these help: Both exercises are specifically designed to bring your attention back to the present moment, where you are safe. Bringing awareness to your body and/or your environment will help bring that heart rate down and settle your mind. Part of what it does is distract you from whatever past or future scenario you have in your head that's causing the anxiety. Any time you can bring your consciousness back to the present moment, you will find some calm and peace. Anxiety is always rooted in a past event or a future worry.
But here is the key to all mindfulness practice! It has to be done non-judgmentally. This means that when a thought or worry comes to your mind, you acknowledge it, DO NOT make a decision on if it's good or bad, and let it move on, as if it were a cloud in the sky, or a leaf floating down a stream. Let it go. In this moment of mindful practice, it does not matter. Your goal is to find the peace that is stored inside you. It's there, believe me. It may feel far away, but it's there. With some practice and effort, you'll find it inside you and you'll find some relief from the pain, confusion, shame, chaos or fear you may be feeling.
Let's get practicing!!
In Search of Therapy
If you tell me that you have never felt lost before, I wouldn't believe you. It's part of the human experience to get to figure ourselves out. We all may experience this "lost" feeling for different reasons, but more than anything, I want to help remove the stigma from seeking mental health supports. There is absolutely no shame in seeing a therapist, whatever the reason may be. We all feel lost sometimes, and it's okay to need some help.
So you've decided you want to see a therapist. How do you find one? What's the difference between a therapist, counselor, psychiatrist? Look no further, the answers are here!
A therapist and a counselor are essentially the same thing, just called by a different name. What you do find a difference in, is licensure. Let's go through these with some simple explanations:
-Certified Social Worker (CSW)- This licensure requires a Master's degree in social work and the person is in the process of getting their 4,000 hours of clinical experience post graduation. A CSW can provide therapy for any range of issues.
-Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)- This licensure requires a Master's degree in social work and two years or 4,000 hours of clinical experience post graduate school. An LCSW can provide therapy for any range of issues.
-Associate Certified Mental Health Counselor (ACMHC)- This licensure requires a Master's degree in a mental health counseling program and the person is in the process of getting their 4,000 hours/2 years of clinical experience post graduation. An ACMHC can provide therapy for any range of issues.
-Certified Mental Health Counselor (CMHC)- This licensure requires a Master's degree in mental health counseling. Typically a 2-3 year program and 4,000 hours/2 years of clinical work post graduation. A CMHC can provide therapy for any range of issues.
-Psychologist (School or Clinical)- a Psychologist has a doctorate degree in psychology and can have gone to school to be a school psychologist or a clinical psychologist. A clinical psychologist will do therapy, but can not prescribe medication. Most often, a psychologist is associated with completing psychological testing/evaluations.
-Psychiatrist- a psychiatrist is someone with a doctorate and has gone to medical school. They can do therapy if they want, but are more often associated with prescribing medication.
So how do you find one of these people to help? A great place to start is Psychology Today. You can search by location, gender of the therapist, issues you need help in etc. Another option is to ask for a referral from your doctor or suggestions from friends or family who have had good luck with their therapist. You can also call your insurance provider for a list of therapists that are covered in your network.
The most important thing in finding a good therapist is the relationship you have with them. If you meet a potential therapist and get a weird vibe or really can't seem to connect with them, just be honest about it and ask for a referral to someone else! It's absolutely okay to switch around therapists until you find the right fit. People do this all the time with doctors and dentists, so why not be picky about the person you're going to share your deepest thoughts with?
A few other things to keep in mind when scoping out therapists:
1. Ask about and understand their treatment philosophy. This tells a lot about the therapist and you can get a good idea if they will fit your personality and needs before you even begin therapy sessions. If their philosophy is psychodynamic and focused on the subconscious but you want more solution-focused treatment, you might not be the best fit.
2. Ask what their specialty or area of interest is. If you are seeking therapy for trauma and you find a therapist who's passion and interest is working with Autism, you probably aren't going to get the kind of help you are looking for. Make sure your needs match with what the therapist can confidently provide.
3. Lastly, please understand that therapy is NOT a quick fix to solving your problems. You get out of it what you put into it. If you aren't ready to delve into deep and vulnerable things, your progress will be slow and minimal. The therapist can only help if you're willing to be helped.
That being said, be patient with yourself! You don't have to get to the hardcore nitty gritty in the first few sessions. Just keep yourself open to exploring and find a therapist that you feel safe with. If you set your intention to healing, you will do just fine!
Overcoming Sexual Abuse
This is going to be short and sweet but I HAD to share it!
I stumbled across this blog/website on accident but after exploring it, I am so grateful I found it! The woman who runs it, Christina Enevoldsen, is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and writes openly about her experiences. The main purpose of the blog is to reach out to others who need help through their journey of healing.
This kind of resource could be the perfect fit for someone who is feeling a little timid about sharing their secret and can get some support and help in a more anonymous way. Christina writes articles and also provides personal coaching, online courses and books!
The website is called Overcoming Sexual Abuse. This woman is incredible to share her story and then to be able to turn around and offer hope and healing to others is amazing and it warms my heart.
If you have some time, check it out for yourself and maybe share it with those who might need it. Healing requires owning our story, and that calls for a support system!
I stumbled across this blog/website on accident but after exploring it, I am so grateful I found it! The woman who runs it, Christina Enevoldsen, is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and writes openly about her experiences. The main purpose of the blog is to reach out to others who need help through their journey of healing.
This kind of resource could be the perfect fit for someone who is feeling a little timid about sharing their secret and can get some support and help in a more anonymous way. Christina writes articles and also provides personal coaching, online courses and books!
The website is called Overcoming Sexual Abuse. This woman is incredible to share her story and then to be able to turn around and offer hope and healing to others is amazing and it warms my heart.
If you have some time, check it out for yourself and maybe share it with those who might need it. Healing requires owning our story, and that calls for a support system!
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